I had the opportunity to speak with Riza of Full Awakening recently for the guest series “Stories of Awakening.” We delve into the magic of art making, sexual self-discovery, and radical inclusivity of self and others. Click the title to see the the Full Awakening page and connected images, notes and video. Below is what I wrote after our conversation and in response to what had been churning inside me for a long time.
My story of awakening centers around my decision to listen to my body, really listen and observe what arises as I let her lead. What are the hesitations? What are the judgements? Where do those come from? Am I fully listening or am I interrupting her sentences? For this conversation to happen I needed to feel a sense of safety, with myself and with my environment to some degree. I had to be paying attention but I also needed a way to capture and reflect on my process. Art and journaling have always been my bread and water. [What are yours?]
Before I was conscious of what was beginning to unfold, my art started to reflect the shifts. One of the first pieces I made in my current style, maybe you could say a breakthrough piece, Is called "In The Light." This piece came to mind as we were talking about the vision Riza had about coming from the depths of the water. When I look at this piece I feel a shimmering moon essence and a rising from the ocean. It feels very sensual, joyful and powerful however, I can't claim to have been feeling those things at the time. Other works emerged with a similar sense of tranquil power. "As Shadows Turn" was the first piece I made that put a figure in a 'bubble' or wombSpace and "Becoming" followed later on with a familiar dreamy feel. "In The Eve" was created in 2017 and felt like a new wave of understanding both for artistic style and in the layers of significance behind the imagery. These dreamscapes or wombscapes revealed themselves as a place of power, of source. This is not only a place of rest but of deep and important work, a way we can hold space for ourselves and ourSelves. It was my sense of safety to churn and move into what was coming next.
In making, feeling and reflecting, I have come to understand sexual and creative energy as one. For me the process of evolution to and through these realms is parallel; intention, desire, connection, action, surrender, release. There is REVEALation in giving the work attention and patience, in all its stages. I have been asked, What is my favorite thing about sex? Responding with a surprisingly quick, "I feel like myself." Exchange the word sex for art and the answer is the same. Even in the most challenging moments there is a current that feels like the deepest Knowing: I am myself, I am a creatrix, a medicine woman, a healer, a visionary, I am human and I am energy. I am beyond the bounds of my culture or the limits of my time. This is important; keep going.
I have come to understand art-making as prayer. I have come to understand in my body that sex, like creation is a form of prayer, a form of' worship. As I say the words, my spine straightens, shoulders drop and pull back, my heart is open and head is up. Even the understanding that pleasure is prayer, is power, moves me into an embodied sense of worship. But then what is it that I am praying for? Who is it that I am worshipping?